The girl who feared happiness – Shot -1

Sleep and I forget everything ..

Sleep and I forget everything ..
It has been like this for years.. I don’ know exactly when I was infected with this strange disease.
But each day when I wake up, its like a brand new chapter.. I just forget those events from yesterdays which should have been crystal clear .
I really don’t seem to remember what I did but people always sound funny.. They accuse me of something which I could not recall. There was that weird feeling of being accused that made me to look into myself and understand the abnormalities in me.
Those incidents continued and my tears on  my pillow spoke the words for me. I understood the emptiness in my life. My life was blocking out my memory of yesterdays ..

The funniest part – “Not everything”.

I could not understand what it was like to be cheated by the memories.
I wanted to scream..
beg for my memories ..
Please leave my memories with me .. I wanted to look into them, understand my mistakes, rectify them and move on.
Give me a chance to change myself.
But my memories were locked away.
How can it erase all those memories when I stood there like a laughing stock.
Uncertainties in life – I hate those..
Not knowing the emotional stress that you encountered the previous day, washed away with the tides of tears. It was becoming tedious.

When this continued, I had no option but to wait and watch what was in store for me. Some days I cried and slept like a baby, tried of everything that  my life was pounding me with. It was always like that; when everything was going smooth, my life would throw a fit. With out a twist my journey would be incomplete.
Moments like those made me fear about how my journey will be, how it will be completed with the twists and turns.

I was afraid, if I woke up from the dreams..
It  will be destroyed and once again I will be coerced to enter the fearful dreaded reality ..
was far well off from the reality and loved to live in the dreams but dreams were not always the solace. I wanted to be like others and wanted to embrace the warmth and solace of happiness. But it was far from me.

In between all those emotional dramas, I was very happy when I got my little kitty.. All day I would play with it and its company made my heart melt. By then I was aware of my life’s mysterious way of holding me back from my happiness.
It was on the eve of  a new year, my little kitty was called back and I kept crying knowing that I am to forget the impact it had on my little heart. I was going to forget all the moments I had with my catty and I wont remember anything.

Slowly but steadily my happiness were taken away by those uncertainties  and the hurdles in my life.
Instead of striking back, my soul was crushed and I was becoming allergic to …. happiness.

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