The girl who feared happiness – Shot -2

Exploring the unknown.

Life is  a mystery and I am trying to solve the puzzle..

There he comes, as late as usual to attend our annual higher secondary cultural program meeting… He sat opposite to me and spread out a warm smile. His smile was enough for me not to get close to him. I tend not to notice him and involved in the discussion .. But sooner or later destiny had to put us together in various awkward situations … It always made me think how he was able to make me smile and remove the slightest fear or agony..

I was back to being normal …
I just wished upon a star not to break my dream …
Let me live with those sweet memories … Least I want them to be tarnished with the monsters of my mind…

Two people from different backgrounds with different personalities came together.. Shared their worlds, fears & happiness. The solace the two hearts found was astonishing.
The rapport, the banter and stealing eyes.. those made her heart beat..
Yet never uttered the word love to each other.
Both were afraid.

He was afraid if this will turn out to be like his previous affair  and she was afraid if it hurts falling in love. 

Everyday I waved him goodbye standing in my balcony. Until I had to change my hostel. That was a private moment which I cherished.

We talked, argued, fought and still I found solace in him.  I could talk anything.. any stupid thoughts. He would answer my queries like answering a little child.

He told her many times he like her.. But when she tried to confirm it , he always turned it as a joke.  He was afraid if she will walk away from him..
She wanted assurance and he thought she may reject him.

It  was really a tormenting feeling .
The heart knows what that feeling is but my brain and my memories refused to believe them. We both lacked the courage to pursue the desires of heart and left it unresolved to the very end.

My unusual life which always brought up some troubles and twists in my life .. I prayed one last time, not to torment me any more and bring a twist which can make my unusual boring life to normal …. with him.
But I was asking for more than what I deserved.

But life had another twist to play and we had to part ways.. He had to go back to his native and I was left alone.
Bidding a good bye was heart wrenching. I no longer had the strength to endure it.
On his last day at our school.. I intended to visit him and bid a good bye.  When I asked him if it will create any scene .. I was not pointing at the gossips or other problems, instead I was wondering if I will be creating a scene crying my heart out. I don’t know if I will be able to bid him a farewell with out crying. I thought it is better to leave him as such.. It was better if we don’t meet again. I decided not to meet him one last time.

That was how I planned to end our journey .. but to my dismay my life had other plans and I had to go to his place and seeing him stand there I had no choice but to  bid a quick bye .. And I clearly remember my cracked voice .. I was finding it difficult to talk .. breath was short and I had to get away from him .. Never will he know that I will forget everything about him once I sleep and wake up. I will have to force myself to rack my brains and  remember what was inflicting me with this pain.  I am thanking my self for being inflicted with this allergy ..but at the same time I fear if I will forget him just like I forget everything else.

I was very sure I wont be seeing him again in my life. Even when he asked me if everything was alright, I was crying my heart out silently weeping so that my roommate doesn’t hear me ..

As always said in my matter.. the  fun filled journey had to put an abrupt stop as my demons took away my mind… I tried hard, not to give in .. But there was no  stopping them … And I was back to being the allergic girl again … I was contemplated on how my life was nothing but a sanctuary for the darkness..
I learned that he was an anchor, which I can’t use anymore to keep my demons at bay..
They had grown stronger .. And abruptly I ended it there.. I don’t want to forget anything but my heart was reckoning me to thank him for making me feel like I am normal just like others.. Thank you..

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