The girl who feared happiness – Shot -1

Sleep and I forget everything ..

Sleep and I forget everything ..
It has been like this for years.. I don’ know exactly when I was infected with this strange disease.
But each day when I wake up, its like a brand new chapter.. I just forget those events from yesterdays which should have been crystal clear .
I really don’t seem to remember what I did but people always sound funny.. They accuse me of something which I could not recall. There was that weird feeling of being accused that made me to look into myself and understand the abnormalities in me.
Those incidents continued and my tears on  my pillow spoke the words for me. I understood the emptiness in my life. My life was blocking out my memory of yesterdays ..

The funniest part – “Not everything”.

I could not understand what it was like to be cheated by the memories.
I wanted to scream..
beg for my memories ..
Please leave my memories with me .. I wanted to look into them, understand my mistakes, rectify them and move on.
Give me a chance to change myself.
But my memories were locked away.
How can it erase all those memories when I stood there like a laughing stock.
Uncertainties in life – I hate those..
Not knowing the emotional stress that you encountered the previous day, washed away with the tides of tears. It was becoming tedious.

When this continued, I had no option but to wait and watch what was in store for me. Some days I cried and slept like a baby, tried of everything that  my life was pounding me with. It was always like that; when everything was going smooth, my life would throw a fit. With out a twist my journey would be incomplete.
Moments like those made me fear about how my journey will be, how it will be completed with the twists and turns.

I was afraid, if I woke up from the dreams..
It  will be destroyed and once again I will be coerced to enter the fearful dreaded reality ..
was far well off from the reality and loved to live in the dreams but dreams were not always the solace. I wanted to be like others and wanted to embrace the warmth and solace of happiness. But it was far from me.

In between all those emotional dramas, I was very happy when I got my little kitty.. All day I would play with it and its company made my heart melt. By then I was aware of my life’s mysterious way of holding me back from my happiness.
It was on the eve of  a new year, my little kitty was called back and I kept crying knowing that I am to forget the impact it had on my little heart. I was going to forget all the moments I had with my catty and I wont remember anything.

Slowly but steadily my happiness were taken away by those uncertainties  and the hurdles in my life.
Instead of striking back, my soul was crushed and I was becoming allergic to …. happiness.

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The girl who feared happiness – Shot -2

Exploring the unknown.

Life is  a mystery and I am trying to solve the puzzle..

There he comes, as late as usual to attend our annual higher secondary cultural program meeting… He sat opposite to me and spread out a warm smile. His smile was enough for me not to get close to him. I tend not to notice him and involved in the discussion .. But sooner or later destiny had to put us together in various awkward situations … It always made me think how he was able to make me smile and remove the slightest fear or agony..

I was back to being normal …
I just wished upon a star not to break my dream …
Let me live with those sweet memories … Least I want them to be tarnished with the monsters of my mind…

Two people from different backgrounds with different personalities came together.. Shared their worlds, fears & happiness. The solace the two hearts found was astonishing.
The rapport, the banter and stealing eyes.. those made her heart beat..
Yet never uttered the word love to each other.
Both were afraid.

He was afraid if this will turn out to be like his previous affair  and she was afraid if it hurts falling in love. 

Everyday I waved him goodbye standing in my balcony. Until I had to change my hostel. That was a private moment which I cherished.

We talked, argued, fought and still I found solace in him.  I could talk anything.. any stupid thoughts. He would answer my queries like answering a little child.

He told her many times he like her.. But when she tried to confirm it , he always turned it as a joke.  He was afraid if she will walk away from him..
She wanted assurance and he thought she may reject him.

It  was really a tormenting feeling .
The heart knows what that feeling is but my brain and my memories refused to believe them. We both lacked the courage to pursue the desires of heart and left it unresolved to the very end.

My unusual life which always brought up some troubles and twists in my life .. I prayed one last time, not to torment me any more and bring a twist which can make my unusual boring life to normal …. with him.
But I was asking for more than what I deserved.

But life had another twist to play and we had to part ways.. He had to go back to his native and I was left alone.
Bidding a good bye was heart wrenching. I no longer had the strength to endure it.
On his last day at our school.. I intended to visit him and bid a good bye.  When I asked him if it will create any scene .. I was not pointing at the gossips or other problems, instead I was wondering if I will be creating a scene crying my heart out. I don’t know if I will be able to bid him a farewell with out crying. I thought it is better to leave him as such.. It was better if we don’t meet again. I decided not to meet him one last time.

That was how I planned to end our journey .. but to my dismay my life had other plans and I had to go to his place and seeing him stand there I had no choice but to  bid a quick bye .. And I clearly remember my cracked voice .. I was finding it difficult to talk .. breath was short and I had to get away from him .. Never will he know that I will forget everything about him once I sleep and wake up. I will have to force myself to rack my brains and  remember what was inflicting me with this pain.  I am thanking my self for being inflicted with this allergy ..but at the same time I fear if I will forget him just like I forget everything else.

I was very sure I wont be seeing him again in my life. Even when he asked me if everything was alright, I was crying my heart out silently weeping so that my roommate doesn’t hear me ..

As always said in my matter.. the  fun filled journey had to put an abrupt stop as my demons took away my mind… I tried hard, not to give in .. But there was no  stopping them … And I was back to being the allergic girl again … I was contemplated on how my life was nothing but a sanctuary for the darkness..
I learned that he was an anchor, which I can’t use anymore to keep my demons at bay..
They had grown stronger .. And abruptly I ended it there.. I don’t want to forget anything but my heart was reckoning me to thank him for making me feel like I am normal just like others.. Thank you..

The girl who feared happiness – shot 3

Lullaby a song unsung

Its spring again but I can only wonder what my last spring was like.
My disease have grown so strong that I don’t know where I am heading.. I can now remember only those things which leaves a trail. I am still that girl who has grown so strong against happiness.
Life is still giving me twists and turns..
Its like expecting the unexpected..

When you take a step, your life is ready to give surprises and you keep on guessing whats the new twist it is going to bring in. This guessing game has gone too far that I don’t find it any more interesting. Why doesn’t it give me some exciting puzzles… the one which can make my heart thump up with joy..

Now that I know what my life is intending to do with me .. I am enjoying it to the fullest… In between I have started to enjoy all the small things in  my life, trying to steal them away from the dark shadows of my life ..

I also feel happy when I can predict whats the next twist that my life is planning to give me.
One thing I learned is, take what ever you can from this life ..
Live the way you want it to be..
Express your views & thoughts, may be others will be able to understand you.
Even though it may not be appropriate, its ok to confess.
May be life has a way of giving back everything it has taken from you.  Even the saddest and the happiest memories will be recreated.. I have noticed one more thing about my life and that is my inability to remember those incidents which could have been bad for me .. Never once, my life took away my memories of happiness .. It gives me a big relief that my life is so considerate of me ..
It never fails to astonish me !!
Always putting things that are needed and valuable in life, and removing those junks that could pollute my thoughts.
Even though I cry remembering the path that life makes me walk .. I can assure myself it was much needed  as I was able to see only the goodness around me ..
Even when I curse my life of becoming allergic to happiness it encouraged me to see the world through a different light.. Happiness is not something that can be captured.. The more you try to run behind it , it eludes.
I am happy that I can enjoy each and every moments in life with out thinking whats going to happen next; even though  the  feeling of badness still lingers, I have confidence that once I sleep and wake up I will forget it ..
Each night I wait for the life to sing its lullaby ..

And I am enjoying the song ..
“Sleep and I forget everything ..”

Chanakyas Chant

“History repeats itself,
in search of a cure, 
for the curse laid upon the king of games… 
The soul is in search of the person,
who can survive the dirty games of statecraft…
In this search of curse and cure history unveils the games of destiny…”
 
Ashwin Saghai, the entrepreneur cum writer has been well into the history, mythology and politics. Historical fiction being his passion and hobby, he has written the national best seller  “The Rozabal Line”.   Chankyas chant is his second installment  in the genre.  The recent trends of mixing mythology/history with the modern-day concepts have become  viral among the authors  and Chanakyas Chant belongs to this category.
As the name suggests this fiction refreshes the story of the greatest game changer in the history of India – Chanakya. So whats so refreshing about this fiction ? Is it just the story of Chanakya and his tactics ?  I would say a big NO. The story line interweaves the life of Chanakya and his modern avatar- Pandit Gangasagar Mishra.
 
Chanakya was one shrewd  philosopher, economist and adviser, whose words of wisdom are relevant even today. Chankyas chant tries to explore its relevance in  modern-day politics via Chanakyas modern day representative – Pandit Gangasagar Mishra. This book is an answer to how  Chanakya will fight in the dirty political arena if set in the modern times. The portrayal of Pandit Gangasagar Mishra as the modern day avatar of Chankya enthrall the reader with current issues. It’s questionable how much justice was given to his character.
It also depicts the growth of both Chanakya and Pandit Gangasagar Mishra. Whenever the cry of ordinal is ignored by the government there shall arise the person who feels the need for change and will strive hard to revenge back.
Ashwin have used the usual allegations and pathetic conditions of the country and questions its citizen :
‘Citizens of Magadha, this tyranny has continued far too long. The imperial thug, Dhanananda, has imprisoned the only minister capable of standing up to him. Are we going to stand here helplessly while we see a guardian of the kingdom—the wise and illustrious prime minister Shaktar—be treated in this shameful manner? How many more farmers have to commit suicide because the tax inspectors of Dhanananda loot their grain? How many more soldiers must die in battle because their armor has been compromised to make wine goblets for the king’s pleasure? How many more mothers must cry over the corpses of their violated young daughters? How much longer are we going to tolerate this evil sovereign?
It also shows how the one who stand against the government with out power is oppressed.
His mouth was firmly clenched shut, a silent reminder of one of his favorite—and now unfortunately ironic—maxims: ‘A man who opens his mouth too often may end up meeting a tragic end, either from indigestion or execution!’
The realization sweeps in – one who tolerates the injustice will have to pay for it and the one who attacks without  defense will often be pulled out of the game.
The book also sheds light into the ugly side of politics. The government wishes to keep its people illiterate and uneducated. The more the people get educated there are chances they question the activites of the government. Nullyfying that and dividing them, not allowing to form a joint force, thats the perfect way to maintain a vote bank.
It also points out the mentality of Indian citizens, the way we are tolerant to all the things happening around as if it wont effect us. We Indians continue to adore renunciation. It’s a tradition that has come down to us from the ancient yogis. Gandhiji was a modern yogi, in that sense.
 
The power of money is yet another factor.  Even when sayin money is the root of all evil, modern-day Chanakya states that sometimes a man needs roots.
Chanakya states : “The king, the minister, the country, the fortified city, the treasury, the army and the ally are the constituent elements of the state”
It also touches the sensitive issues like caste based reservation in our country .
 ‘Articles 15 and 16 of the Constitution guarantee every Indian citizen freedom as well as equality before the laws of the land. Reservation for those who had been left behind by Indian society was indeed part of the Constitution when it was framed and adopted in 1950. Those who framed the Constitution themselves believed that it was a temporary measure and would last for ten years. But several decades later we still find reservation in place. Doesn’t this tell us that India has made very little progress in bringing the scheduled castes, scheduled tribes and other backward classes into the mainstream of India? Is it time to take another look at the policy and decide whether it has actually worked? 
The take on these untouchable topics make the story unique and more appealing to the reader. The story is predictable if you have little knowledge of Chanakyas life and his tactics.
The satire is webbed such that the reader falls into the enchanting political games.
If you are not a big fan of political fictions where the background is laid out by the historical element, it may not be able to please you. Also the continues flips may chock the course of the story. Overall its a good book for casual reading, with less enchanting moments.

WOMEN AND TECH-WORLD

“Day and night woman must be kept in dependence by the males (of) their (families).Her father protects (her) in childhood, her husband protects (her) in youth, and her sons protect (her) in old age; a woman is never fit for independence.”     The Laws of Manu, c. 1500 BCE CHAPTER IX

This was the old convention that considered women to be a symbol of softness, an enigma of emotions and a dependent of man. Today such a thought is irrelevant, but still there are many who think that women can never reach the constraints of a successful man. A successful man defines himself with the qualities like power, influence and independence, and these are considered to be the traits of a successful person.  We can find only a fewer number of women who strive to reach such peak positions. So what are the traits of a successful woman? Don’t these women have the same traits as that of the men or do they have something else that triggers them but in a different manner?
Women are like the hidden unpolished diamonds; their character can come to the limelight only if they are smoothed and sharpened where ever necessary. She has the sense of empathy, influence and can manage the conflicts efficiently.
Some traits of women are usually assessed to be non-profitable in a money oriented environment. She empathise and makes the decision-making procedure a really tiring one. But don’t these people understand that empathy is such a feeling that can make the relations stronger, it’s the same feeling that decreases the distance between an employer and employees. A sense of dedication and gratefulness to the company and for the employer can be ignited with the same feeling. Empathy when used in a different angle can be utilized to influence people and make the execution procedure a really simple and organized. The power of empathy can be handled well by women.
Conflict management is yet another area where women seemed to be experts. The daily challenges and adjustments that they make in their personal life aids a woman to take the right actions for her firm. The constant exposure to conflicts helps women to adapt to the new ambience without many tantrums.
“In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” -Margaret Thatcher
Men usually consider women to be insecure. They think that women spent too much time in thinking about what others may think about them. Men usually  think that decision-making is the primary goal and that the impact it will have on others is secondary. That’s why when men take an anti-family policy they are less criticized than a women who takes such decisions. Critics expect women to understand the impact of these and at the same time expect women to be strict in taking such a step. If she contemplates with those decisions she is considered to be weak and if she makes stern decisions she is given a negative image. So what should she do?
The mind-set to think what others may think about them leads gives them a sense of self-awareness which is essential for the growth of an individual.
Women are aware about the competition that they have to face in this technical world. They try to adapt themselves to such competitions by enhancing their capabilities. They are constant learners even in the  They try to develop their skills and excel in them to prove their worth they always undergo through many tests and surely the test of iron makes the finest steel. Soft skills of women often excel than that of men. There are many problems faced by women when she needs to make a decision as a leader. She is expected to emphasis with others and if not she will have to face the warth.negative if she found to be too soft she is considered to be granted. And her efforts are not valid. If she becomes bold she is commented to be bold and too masculine in stereotype.Whether or not gender characteristics are inherited or socially constructed no longer matters as much as our ability to use what we’ve got to our own advantage.
As per the studies we can see the ruling of women in internet. Making use of social networks to interact and influence the people has now become more advantageous for the women community. Women leaders mostly utilize these to make sure that they have got a network that can accommodate them with he .These have transcended he physical cultural and national boundaries. Women often showcase their talents through their blogs and websites. In this case they have overpowered men population. They popularise their creative side and make the best out of it. Homemakers are now not just a kitchen holder but a master in networking. She gathers the people around her with the skills,  it may be through her stories, ornament, craft, cooking classes. Whatever it is, women have become the queen of internet. Market place has now found the new faces…tech industry will surely welcome the innovations and experiments with the mentality change. Men conquer women collaborate…

GECP :VISION 2015

OUR VISION

 Excellence through the wings of Science and Technology

OUR MISSION

To nurture world class technocrats with integrity, creativity, and ethical values who can meet global challenges in the service of humanity

GECP has always promoted the tech and life. As our vision state we thrive for excellence through the wings of science and Technology . The same vision should be promoted such that it includes the personal growth of each student.

The moral values which the current world discards must be achieved and with out which the excellence is of no use.The mentality to serve our country as an engineer and to witness its growth must be the underlying strategy that one should achieve.

what GECP can improve, is to think ahead of the time and reach to the students to promote the awareness of technology and its correct usage.

the technical activities of IEEE and FOSS must be organized with much dedication and that

It can utilize the TEQIP to ensure that the student projects of GECP reaches high levels.The efficient usage of SEED money and incubator for the startups can boost the students to start their own companies.

The teachers must guide and promote the students to  achieve our mission.The CGPU cell must take initiatives to promote and equip our students to face the employment issues.

The step4u programs must be coordinated in such a way that students benefit from the classes.Analyzing the students progress a computerized log in system must be implemented which will help both teachers and students to analyze their performance.

The teaching system should be changed and  the foot steps of BITS pilani are to be implemented.The student must be given a chance to evaluate their teachers and must attend the classes of their interest.This will ignite a competition and self analysis among the teachers ,which will benefit the students.But it must be taken care that no one misuses this opportunity.

The labs and libraries must be computerized and the e-learning system must be promoted.The MOOCs concepts can be implemented in our college such that the students will  be able to access and study their subjects from any where.

The OPEN ERP must be implemented to ensure the above functionalities.

Mobile jammers must be installed in all classes and the proper functioning of the projectors must be ensured.

There should be a library hour once in a week such that students can utilize the resources properly.The library should be equipped with books other than the technical stuffs so that the critical thinking ability of the students can be increased.With out reading and having no knowledge about the current affairs the students may fail in the long run of life.

Communicating in English is found to be a problem that pushes even the bright students to the pit fall. opportunities must be given for the students to interact with each others in English.Discussion sessions can be kept once a week to promote the critical thinking and this will ensure that “stage fright” can be eliminated.

A VISION FOR OUR CLASSES :

Each class must have a group of representatives who can manage as:

a)PROJECT COORDINATORS

b)GATE COACHING COORDINATORS

c) INTERNSHIP AND INDUSTRIAL TRAINING COORDINATORS

Each group  must ensure the efficient utilization of its resources and must promote their motto.

The count down has began and 2015 is near our reach ..

GECP- THE CURRENT VENTURES

 

The current activities of GECP was ignited with the arrival of IEEE and FOSS communities.Even though we can find ISTE at the beginning, it was the right minded devotion of the students  of GECP that made the institute popular in kerala with vibrant student activities.

 

IEEE CELL OF GECP

 

The IEEE CELL of GECP was started in 2005 under the malabar hub of Kerala section.The WIE chapter and Robotics club of our institute have promoted the personal and professional life of students.

Various workshops and competitions organized by them are really a reality checker of our educational system.

 

 

FOSS CELL

The FOSS cell of GECP has shown the latest technologies and promoted the open source concepts.

With the support of tutors and other staffs they are organizing various support systems and tech classes to enhance the technical knowledge.

 

NSS UNIT

the NSS unit of GECP has a motto to promote their social service.Their activities are to be put forward. 

 

 

GEC PALAKKAD REWINDING THE PAST

 Government Engineering  College Sreekrishnapuram, is one of those institutions in Kerala which provides a highly dignified assistance for the students in engineering profession. GEC Palakkad was established in 1999 and its still in its adolescence. Its situated in Sreekrishnapuram village in Palakkad district of Kerala. Working under the  Directorate of Technical Education, the college is run completely under the control of Govt. of Kerala .

At first, students had to accommodate to the inconvenience in their environment, despite this GECP  have produced  bright techies. The new building of GEC Palakkad was inaugurated on August 1st 2010 by the then Chief Minister Sri.V S Achuthananthan. The well established teen is considered to be the biggest engineering college in kerala which could accommodate all the branches in one campus. The peaceful atmosphere really makes our GECP a temple of Education.

The layout and the infrastructure of the college is organized such that the students could feel the silence and peace. The noise free environment of GEC Palakkad is highly commendable, where the ignited minds find their inner soul.

Initially the courses offered were  B.Tech computer science and engineering,Information Technology and Electronics and communication engineering.  In 2012, evaluating the capability and standard of GECP, Government of kerala, Technical department gifted another branch of engineering -mechanical engineering.

The struggles and devotion of students towards the upliftment of GECP have shown the world that they just need the right mind and a tag of GECP.

7.C.INTEL FUTURE CONTEST 2012-OS CARD

MY CONTRIBUTION TO INTEL FOR THE FUTURE….

OS INTEGRATION CARD

 

 

 

Short Description

OS INTEGRATION CARD can be handled just like a graphics card or USB ,which helps in OS switching with one click .Here there is no need to worry about the variations in the file systems.The variations in the file system is neglected by matching or uplifting the files to destined file system.

 

Full Description

There are many instances where we need to shift operating systems. Rebooting the computer for switching between operating systems can be tedious and time consuming.

 

OS INTEGRATION CARD can be handled just like a graphics card or USB.

It can adjust to the working conditions and will monitor the system functioning .it can also help in maintaining the temperature and will provide a constant analysis and warning about the radiations and temperature .

 

It will contain the operating systems which we prefer and help us in switching between operating systems with one click or even voice and touch..in short a card that can be controlled by voice, click or touch.

 

 

Example :

 

For a Ubuntu user who needs to use a few Windows applications occasionally (Photoshop, Illustrator, Fireworks etc that don’t work acceptably with Wine) he may use VirtualBox to boot a “virtual” install of Windows which requires quite a powerful machine with plenty of RAM to run really well. But this approach is not appreciated. In such cases we can use OS INTEGRATION CARD.

 

 

HOW TO USE OS INTEGRATION CARD?

 

1. Connect OS INTEGRATION CARD to your system before you power on.

2. When you power on the system the card lists the operating systems.

3. Select the OS which you need to boot.

4. Your selected OS began to boot and the welcome screen is displayed.

5. If you need to switch to other OS, activate your card to switch mode.

6. Now card will take you to the OS list, select the one to which you need to switch.

7. The new OS will open as a new window in the previously opened window.

8. If you want to transfer files between operating systems that’s also allowed.

9. After the completion of the works close the window. Thus shutting the OS newly opened.

 

While we exchange the files between operating systems the variations in the file system is neglected by matching or uplifting the files to destined file system.

 

Example:

 

An executable file in windows can be transferred to ubuntu 12.04 for installing a particular application .The OS INTEGRATION CARD will uplift the file system of ubuntu 12.04 to accommodate the changes so that the file can be executed in it.

 

This idea probably reduce the time and space complexity of the existing systems and will enable all sort of people to handle their works much more efficiently.

 

What will happen when you are in the middle of a presentation and need to use other OS..??

 

What to do when you find your important files non-compatible with your OS ??

 

When you are put in such unpredictable situations ..

 

Solution is : OS INTEGRATION CARD !!!!!!!!!

 

7.B.INTEL FUTURE CONTEST 2012-BRAIN ANALYSER

MY CONTRIBUTION TO INTEL FOR THE FUTURE….

THE BRAIN ANALYZER

Short Description

 

 

A mechanism which allows the study of the brain waves ,the chemical reactions taking place and the communication of neurons using a high power perceptual Interactive Gesture Camera .its useful in medical field (where we can do surgeries without anesthesia or other drugs).high speed networking,etc

 

 

 

Full Description

 

 

An Intel perceptual computing-interactive camera is fixed,which monitors the overall functioning of the brain.Perceptual computing allows users to interact with devices in new ways, including gesture and touch control, speech recognition, facial recognition, and object tracking.

 

* In case of a brain surgery, the patient will be asked to swallow a neuro-chip,which will be transported to the brain with the help of a magnetic pull enabled by the BRAIN ANALYZER,which can control the Neuro-chip from outside.An Interactive gesture camera is attached to the neuro-chip which will help in the surgery.

As per the gestures of the doctor,the high power interactive gesture camera can identify it and necessary actions will be taken .A virtual atmosphere of the Brain will be shown in the brain analyzer,which is connected to the Neuro-chip.thus the camera and the Brain analyzer will communicate with each other and necessary messages will be passed.this will be very useful for the doctors.Thus surgeries can be done without any complications .

 

*even for a normal sugery we can use the BRAIN ANALYZER which can replace

anesthesia and other drugs(which are harmful for human beings). A temporary blocking is done which allows patients to undergo surgery and other procedures without the distress and pain they would otherwise experience.

 

*this will be helpful in analyzing the neural networks and their interaction .the neuro-chip will monitor the working and communication of the neurons and will give the data to the BRAIN ANALYZER. these concepts can be developed as an algorithm for implementation in networking,which will boost up the data bit rate..

 

*this can act as a anti depression agent.This will explore the memory lane and will take out the memory patches and will make a reliving sensation.

 

* it will make anybody feel like he is actually somewhere else based on the connection with the camera that has the scenes loaded previously..

By programming we can produce the dynamics of things that either exist naturally or don’t make sense. We simulate the dynamics of systems and we look at how people learn to control those systems.

 

*after the completion of the analysis we can destroy the chip which is made out of bio-fibres.